According to social media you are an adult when: you do your tax returns on time, you iron your clothes and you managed to keep three quarters of your plants alive last year. Congratulations! Radboud Reflects discussed adulting with several scientists during a well-attended evening on adulting in early February. We unraveled their best tips for acting like adults.
Measuring by physical characteristics
Psychologically, your adolescence ends at 24, but that does not make you an adult in a sudden swoop. We measure adulthood by many different characteristics, for instance growth, DNA, hormones, but also characteristics of our brains. Rogier Kievit, neuroscientist at Radboud University, made it clear that none of these physical characteristics are in a fixed relationship with each other. We all grow in our own way, at our own pace. Even our brain areas develop independently: sometimes one area grows faster than another. Our bodies do not provide an answer to the question whether or not you are an adult.
Step by step
If the physical side doesn't help to answer the question when you are a real adult, science tries to determine maturity by looking at milestones in life. Think of milestones like: (1) leaving home, (2) completing your education and (3) entering the job market, (4) moving in together or getting married and, for example, (5) having a child. A lot to boxes to check off. Nevertheless, you are not necessarily an adult when you checked all the boxes, argues Lonneke van den Berg, a sociologist at Radboud University. She points out that milestones are slowly happening later and later in life. We move in together later in life, buy a house later and have children at an increasingly later age. Even more so, sometimes these milestones very deliberately do not take place. For example, when people choose a life without children.
New goals
New boxes have also been added to the list. For instance, entering the job market is no longer the end goal, but now it is finding your dream job. Happiness and development are high on the list. Philosopher Femke Takes confirms: your maturity is linked to a sense of autonomy. You detemine your own goals and milestones, as well as the order in which you want and can achieve them. No wonder many thirty-somethings have no idea when they will finally reach adulthood!
Fortunately, within all these uncertainties, there turns out to be some gripes to discover. Summarised in '7 tips for growing up':
1. Go at your own pace
Even your body develops at different speeds, so why shouldn't you? Do not compare yourself too much to others.
2. Make mistakes
There is time to try things out. You are allowed to make mistakes. We are living longer than our ancestors: you have time to try things, so by all means: do so. You might even discover a new passion.
3. Live alone
If you have lived in a student house, for example, you feel more independent. You build your own social circle, learn to take on more responsibilities and develop new skills. Extra handy: those who are more independent can also stand up for themselves more easily later in life and leave a bad relationship, for example.
4. Discover new things
By traveling you learn to stand on your own two feet, away from everything familiar. Outside all structure and safety nets you do have at home.
5. Choose wisely
You get the freedom to shape your own existence. This might cause some stress, but it is also incredibly fun. You don't have to get married. You don't have to have children. Find what you like and what you want in life. Go for that dream job, while moving around in a tiny house, because that owner-occupied house remains far out of reach. Choose whatever you want! Your goals can be easy choices too. There is no shame at all in binging a series for an evening.
6. Don't get discouraged
All that freedom of choice can sometimes feel a bit paralysing. That might sound like a first-world problem, and it is. Embrace that luxurious freedom of choice, because the fact that you have all those choices to make means that you are alright. Slow your pace, keep breathing and you will get somewhere, sometime.
7. And finally: don't take yourself too seriously
Feel free to act less mature on some days. Dare to fall back on your parents, get excited over a draining rack, your airfryer, or the tiles you had installed in the bathroom. And also laugh at yourself when you wake up with a hangover on a Sunday morning.
So, why is adulting a hype? The path to adulthood has become more unclear, there is more uncertainty these days. There is so much time and space to discover yourself, to shape everything in life. That requires a lot from you and that is okay. Rest assured: becoming an adult comes naturally, so you will never do it wrong.
Photo bt Christopher Matson via Flickr